An Interview with an Average Wine Buyer

Here's How My Sister Chooses Wine. You Are Not Going to Like It

My sister, Lisa, accurately describes herself as authentic. Real. She lives in suburban New Jersey, has two kids, two dogs, and a cat. She is a divorce attorney who enjoys dressing up, standing outside, blasting ambient electronic music, and talking about her love of eating during collaborative divorce settlements. Unlike me, my sister is not an intolerable snob.

Lisa only buys sauvignon blanc with a screw top.

Joel
What kind of wine do you drink?

Lisa
I drink sauvignon blanc.

Joel
Exclusively?

Lisa
Exclusively. Unless someone has brought some other white. If you’ve shown up with like a viognier, or however you pronounce that, I’ll drink it. But I will not drink red.

Joel
Why?

Lisa
I never really liked wine, and I definitely never liked red wine. But white was tolerable. For a little while, I actually liked a few different kinds of white. I was drinking Albarino, and I’ll still have some Prosecco if someone’s brought it over. But I prefer sauvignon blanc, because I know I like it. I usually buy New Zealand. I don’t really care about brand. They’re all pretty similar. They all have that grapefruity acidity.

Joel
Order your priorities between a wine being sauvignon blanc, its price, and having a screw top.

Lisa
Screw top. Sauvignon blanc. Price.

Joel
How often do you drink wine?

Lisa
Once or twice a month.

Joel
With other people or alone?

Lisa
With other people. Unless I’m cooking and I have to pour some wine into the pan, and then I just pour myself a glass, because why not?

Joel
Do you prefer sauvingon blancs from New Zealand or do you just trust them?

Lisa
I know that I’m going to like them. I have branched out a little bit. I think I’ve bought from Chile. Because they were screw tops. There used to only be screw tops from New Zealand. Everything else had a cork. I don’t want to mess with a cork.

Joel
Why?

Lisa
I can’t use the corkscrew. I always feel like the bottle’s gonna slide out from under me. The screwtop is so good. After, you just put it right back on. Because I never finish a bottle.

Joel
You can put a cork back in.

Lisa
It never goes all the way in. And then the way that my wine refrigerator is, it’ll stick out too far.

Joel
You realize the crazy thing you just said?

Lisa
I know a lot of people drink wine with corks –

Joel
That’s not the crazy thing. You started with, “I don’t like wine.” Then you said you only drink it once a month. And then you said, “my wine refrigerator.”

Lisa
It was my husband’s wine refrigerator. And he doesn’t drink at all anymore, so it’s mine now. And it only has white wine in it, and a couple of really good bottles of red wine that he never got to. I started putting my whites on the red side, and I want to raise the temp on that side, but I don’t want to mess with those reds.

Joel
You can store all the wine at 55, and pop the whites in the fridge or an ice bucket for a few minutes before you drink them

Lisa
Or I’ll pop an ice cube in there. I’m not above that.

Joel
Do you buy other things that have screw tops?

Lisa
I have the same attitude about canned goods. I will only buy the ones that have the pop top. I’m not messing with a can opener. I mean, that’s ridiculous. You can always find your beans with the pop tops.

Joel
If you don’t like wine, why are you drinking it?

Lisa
I don’t dislike the way I feel after a glass or two. There’s really no other way for me to feel that way. I don’t like gummies.

Joel
Cocktails?

Lisa
I’ve been trying not to drink my calories. And I’m not going to have vodka over ice. That doesn’t taste any better than white wine.

Joel
If you were to buy a French Sauvignon Blanc, would it be confusing because it doesn’t say “sauvignon blanc” on it, right?

Lisa
What would it say?

Joel
The town. It might say, “Sancerre.”

Lisa
I’ve had that. If someone at Trader Joe’s pointed it out and it was a good price, then sure.

Joel
But it would have a cork.

Lisa
Then no.

Joel
How much do you spend?

Lisa
I usually buy them at Trader Joe’s. They’re anywhere between $6 and $20. The $20 would be the Kim Crawford.

Joel
That’s a huge range. How do you decide between $6 and $20?

Lisa
Sometimes I ask the guy working there, because maybe there’s something great that I haven’t tried.

Joel
If you’re only drinking wine once or twice a month, why don’t you just get the Kim Crawford every time?

Lisa
That actually has happened, unfortunately. I don’t like that. I’d like to mix it up and try new things.

Joel
Within a very small range.

Lisa
As long as it meets my criteria.

Joel
What wines do you buy most often?

Lisa
It’s like a blue label. I’m trying to look it up.

Joel
Aren’t you driving?

Lisa
No, I’m parked now. I’m actually at Trader Joe’s. Oh, it’s Tuatea. And Sauvignon Republic. And Picton Bay. And Kono is okay.

Joel
You’re not just drinking, you’re learning about the Maori culture. And from what I know from the haka dance, they’re not afraid of corks.

Lisa
They they sure are. Because they’ve invented the screw top for their wine.

Joel
I think in a very small number of people, wine occupies a big space in their heads. But for most people, it’s a beverage that they buy a bunch of one kind and drink, like they do with beer or whiskey.

Lisa
I do see people at Trader Joe’s really looking at the Cabernet section and exploring everything.

Joel
People at Trader Joe’s looking at cookies like that, though.

Lisa
That’s a fair point. I’m definitely one of those people in the nut and dried fruit aisle. There are so many choices.

Joel
But the wine you can breeze through.

Lisa
Pretty much.